Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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