I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize