We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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