I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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