Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
