I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize