I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
