maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
