Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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