Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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