My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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