He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So vagazzling was a success
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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