bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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