Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My pussy is not your playground.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
