Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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