He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize