the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
