help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
