She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
