it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
