Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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