I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
