I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
