Just cropdusted the office
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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