Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
