I think I won the penis lottery.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
