just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
