I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
