There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
