Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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