I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
