I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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