I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
