its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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