They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
