break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
