Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
