He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
honey bunches of taint.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
