Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
