the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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