if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
