HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
