I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
