I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
