He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
