you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
