ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
