I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
