She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
