Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
