I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
