Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
