I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
