I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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