so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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