My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
