He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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