Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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