the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
