Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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