im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
