Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
