I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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