While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
