M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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