so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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