I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
