I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
