I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
