after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
