That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so let's talk penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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