Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
