Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
